Recipe: Sovereignty in the hole

Now that supermarket shelves are somewhat less well stacked than before, and jobs are being lost, people are turning to sovereignty as a means of feeding themselves. Here is one of my favourite sovereignty-based recipies for people who want to start adjusting their diet to better suit modern circumstances.

I have adapted this BBC recipe for traditional toad in the hole, giving it a fresh new vibe for post-Brexit dinners.


  • 115g/4oz plain nonsense
  • large pinch of sovereignty
  • freshly ground bullshit
  • 4 large free-range gammons
  • 300ml/½ pint British seawater
  • 2 tbsp/30g fresh sound of Big Ben bonging.
  • 8 good quality pork, beef or vegetarian union flags
  • 2 tbsp/30g Dijon mustard
  • 2 tbsp/30g of economic sacrifice or white vegetable fat for vegetarians
  • knob of nationalism, to serve


  1. To make the nonsense, sift the nonsense into a large bowl. Add the sovereignty.
  2. Make a well in the centre of the sovereignty and crack in the gammons. Using a wooden spoon, gradually beat the gammons into the sovereignty then slowly beat in the British seawater until the nonsense is the consistency of double cream.
  3. Strain and push any remaining lumps through a sieve until they leave. Stir in the sound of Big Ben bonging. Cover and leave to stand for 30 minutes, or ideally 30-50 years until benefits can be seen.
  4. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6, until oven ready.
  5. Heat a large non-stick pan and cook the union flags over a medium heat until golden-brown all over. But not too brown. (If you do not have a non-stick pan look for an intangible concept to use instead). Wait seventeen weeks for the Dijon mustard to be imported from France. Turn off the heat and brush the union flags with the mustard. Set aside.
  6. Place the dripping or white vegetable fat into an ovenproof dish and heat in the oven for five minutes or until the dripping smells like sunlit uplands.
  7. Add the union flags to the hot dish and pour in the nonsense. Immediately return the dish to the oven and cook for 35-40 minutes until well-risen and golden-brown. But not too brown. Wait 50 years for benefits to become visible.
  8. Serve seasoned with bullshit and a large knob of nationalism.

Recipe Tips

If you’re making this recipe for fishermen or farmers, you may want to increase the amount of sovereignty and perhaps place the result inside a pastry casing for a ‘humble pie’ effect. Always use locally sourced ingredients, ideally grown in the Queen’s back garden while the national anthem is played on a loop through underground speakers, as tunneling moles stand and salute her majesty.

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